I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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