smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
