What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
