i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
