I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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