??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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