elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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