Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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