I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
