The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish i was in the wii world.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
