If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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