I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
