we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
