six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize