Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
