WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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