The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize