He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
