So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
its liver damage thursday
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