best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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