two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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