There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
