I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
