And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Did I show you my penis last night?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have feelings that need drinking.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I want to fling myself into the sun
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
