well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sorry about my life...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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