For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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