I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
