last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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