I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
