So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
