fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
