Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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