I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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