How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize