4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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