where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
