Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
