NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
