the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
