I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize