And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
