So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
