I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
