like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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