if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
