I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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