Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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