Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
