Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
