physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize