Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
