I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize