This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
