I just pynch a tree in the face
i just google imaged poop.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
