Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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