my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
