This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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