How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
