I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
