i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
