oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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