I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
