hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
