Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
