I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dick very happy bro
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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