East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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