my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
