Michael Bay diarrhea
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
