Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Barsexuality is the new black.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize