I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
