i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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