You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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