sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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