The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Come on in and take your pants off
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
