If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
