I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
