man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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