those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This is the high leading the old right now
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
