he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
