At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
