i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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