I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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