Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
