is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
