He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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