i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
