hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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