Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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