I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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