Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
