I didn't shave. On purpose
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
