Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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