just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
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