Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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