my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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