Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize