can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
