my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
