i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
